Welcome to another Crispy Bacon and Jellied Fish Eye post, where I post about my current favorite food news (which I love, like crispy bacon) and my least favorite food news (which is similar jellied fish eye, which makes me vomit a bit in my mouth). Shall we do it to it? Crispy bacon #1 : Mommy’s Time Out Wine
Jamie, this one’s for you. According to the official website, every mommy deserves a break, and these wines (from Italy) are specially made to be fresh and fruity (hmmm, stereotype the tastes of women much?). I’m making it a crispy bacon because the bottle label made me laugh so hard, I chortled I bit. Even if the wine tastes terrible, this would make a great gag gift for a baby shower. Besides, it sort of gives all those closet mommy-alcoholics permission to come out and be proud. Just don’t go back and pee in the closet. Daddy hates cleaning that up. Jellied Fish Eye #1 Food Detectives with Ted Allen (on Food Network) I really like Ted Allen. I used to love him and his queer eye for straight guys, especially since he usually taught the doofuses how to cook something. I even dug him on my favorite food show, Bravo’s Top Chef, because he gave insightful comments and a great personality, sort of funny, sort of dorky, way too knowledgeable. I say this like I used to summer on Martha’s Vineyard with the man, but it is really just a TV crush I have. He has a new show on Food Network called Food Detectives. You can read about it here. This show attempts to take a look at myths about food, like, can you eat that cupcake you dropped on the floor if you pick it up within five seconds? Think of the show Mythbusters for food. The show tries to present the myths in a campy, overacted and silly style similar to Alton Brown (from the Food Network show, Good Eats), only Brown is actually successful with that style. Ted Allen winds up sounding over-rehearsed and annoying, devoid of any personality that originally won me over. To add salt to the wound, his sprinkles his prose with food puns–really bad, cringe-worthy food puns. I really wanted to like this show, but like the NYTimes said, it will only make those of us already disillusioned with the Food Network more angry. Ted, please, for our friendship’s sake, go back to Top Chef, being lovable and using your gay powers to make a planet a better place. If I hear another food pun, I will not hesitate to slap you around a bit with a frozen chicken. Don’t make me do it. Crispy Bacon #2 The Wake N Bacon
If you haven’t heard of this by now, you must be living in a hole. A large, deep, dark bacon-less hole. Literally, this crispy bacon makes you crispy bacon. Check it out here. I am not even sure if this is for commercial sale yet, but basically, this pork-shaped alarm clock requires you to put a slice of frozen bacon in the tray and set the alarm. Around ten minutes before you are supposed to wake up, the alarm will trigger two halogen lamps that start crisping up your bacon, and will slowly wake you up to the best smell on the face of the planet. Don’t like bacon? What smell would make you wake up faster? For me, it would be double bacon. Crispy Bacon #3 Operation Baking GALS (Give A Little Support)
This is next crispy bacon rocks extra hard. So as the story goes, once upon a time there was a woman (Susan Whetzel of Doughmesstic) who wanted to send cookies to her cousin’s husband, who had just had a baby and was sent to Iraq. She didn’t have enough time to make cookies for the entire troop, so she contacted a few popular food blogs and asked for people’s help. What she ended up with were several people who baked for the troop and mailed it all out on the same day. Now, once a month, you can go to this website and read a few soldier bios, pick one, and send a baked good to the soldier and his troop. How cool is that? Please help out if you can. I know a good friend of mine’s husband will be going back to Iraq for the second time in January (and leaving two kids under the age of 4), and I am sure he would enjoy having this sort of thing happen in the midst of staying in Iraq. Pay it forward, people. You never now when you might need the favor returned! That’s it for this week. Stay tuned for the next Crispy Bacon and Jellied Fish Eye and until then, please, for me, keep eating bacon. ~LTG!