Once upon a time, there was a little town called Chicago that loved it’s cupcakes. It loved them so much, it seemed to create a new cupcake shop every time someone sneezed. One such sneeze created a place known for their bacon flavored cupcakes. These bacon cupcakes came in all sorts of shapes and sizes, some savory and some a combination of savory and sweet. Once upon another time, there was a lady named Leena. That bitch could eat, or so the story goes. Leena lived for bacon. She dreamed of it. She cooked it. She ate it with her pancakes and maple syrup. She sang songs about it (“Oh bacon, you’re so fine, you’re so fine, you blow my mind, hey bacon!” was a popular tune), and sometimes, Leena and bacon had pillow talk. It was a great relationship. So when Leena had an opportunity to try a new cupcake-only shop in Chicago called More (which happened to sell bacon-flavored cupcakes) she went for it. After all, think of the bacon-flavored cupcake songs she could write! She was dreaming of a snappy new song set to the tune of “Baby Got Back” by that popular artist, Sir Mixalot, when she finally stepped into the store.
She perused the other bacon option of the day, a BLT cupcake with a bacon cupcake, ranch frosting and cherry tomato topping, but it was the maple bacon cupcake that caught her eye. Could this be the sweet and savory snack of her dreams?
She really hoped it would be, if only for the fact that she paid $4.35 for the damn thing. Seriously, for $4.35, this cupcake should do more than let her eat it. It should be helping her with the dishes and spooning with her after a good chat. And maybe making her more bacon. She tried it. It was a white (vanilla?) cupcake base with really good bacon folded in, topped off with a maple flavored frosting and another sprinkle of bacon. It looked good. It was supposed to be good. All the components were there for a rocking good time…but like a good Palin interview, it almost tried too hard. And it winked a bunch.
The cupcake itself was really salty, like beyond acceptable in a sweet and salty dessert sort of salty. The bacon was good, but there was so much, it was really overwhelming. The frosting barely tasted of maple syrup, and was just really rich without any distinctive flavor. The two just didn’t belong together. So Leena’s dream cupcake spent the night in the trash with only two bites taken out of it, until it was removed to the dumpster behind her apartment, where it proceeded to give a rat dinner and severe indigestion. The day Leena had to throw away bacon was a sad day indeed, and somewhere in the world at that exact moment, an angel cried. There was no song for the bacon-flavored cupcake. Just frustration, sadness, and bit of post-cupcake gas. ~LTG!
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